I thought today we could have some fun and review some of the worst fashions trends of the late 20th and early 21st century. There’s been so many horrible looks that it wasn’t easy picking the top 10 but I narrowed it down to a few of my personal favorites. Have you been a fashion to any of these looks? I bet you have or will be when the look comes back again as a “retro” look! You’ve been warned!
1) Shoulder Pads – They look ridiculous then and still do. Are you listening Rihanna and Lady Gaga? Lady Di helped to popularize this look and probably loved them because they helped to hide her anorexic body. God knows we loved our shoulder padded princess but we still have to hold her responsible for the spread of this horrible fashion.
2) Acid Wash Denim – I’m speechless and don’t know what to say. It’s tye dyeing for lazy people. Just throw your jeans in bleach, let them bleach unevenly and voila! You’re acid washed. I’m not sure which was worse the jeans or the people wearing them. Now I know that Cheap Mondays and Balmain tried to bring them back a few years ago and they definitely improved on the 80’s version of them but we’re not talking about that. We\re talking about the original versions here. Feast your eyes on this honey!
3) Mullets – Short hair on the sides to accentuate you absolutely stunning cheekbones (not!) and long in the back to let everyone know that you’re still, or “finally”, cool.
4) Crocs – You know they’re ugly but you still wear them. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I really don’t get it. Just ‘coz it feels good, doesn’t mean you should do it. ‘Nuff said.
5) Sagging Pants – I know all the “bad boys” do it but I don’t want to see my plumber’s split and I don’t want to see yours either. A fashion that started in men’s prison as a signal to others that they’re available for gay shower sex somehow translated into the streets as an anti-authoritarian fashion. If only these guys knew what they were really telling others..
6) Kaftans – I remember when I was 12 years old and my gay uncle returned from a vacation in Algeria. He had bought a kaftan and wore it night and day. Although I gotta admit, it really matched his permed hair, it was kinda embarrassing walking down the street with him. But whatever, he was happy and wasn’t hurting anyone. If nothing else, he taught me a valuable lesson in individuality and remaining true to yourself
7) Ladies Wife beater t-shirts – At best, it’s a horrible name for a t-shirt and at worst, it’s a horrible t-shirt. Hipster girls all over Montreal are wearing them summer with cut off jean shorts. Trying to do their best Daisy Duke on Crack imitations, they’re really bringing down the fashion standards this summer. Maybe they feel sexy in them, like they’re wearing their underwear or pajamas in public, but they’re frumpy and boring. Unless you’re into the redneck look, in which case, you’re spot on!
8) Vertically Striped Tights – Popular in the 70’s with big hair rock bands they, thankfully, never made into mainstream fashion. Nonetheless, I think they’re worthy of a mention just for their cringe worthiness. Yo may be looking at the picture and thinking, they aren’t so bad. But see them on a regular person who has a couple of fat rolls (and let’s be honest, who doesn’t?) and you’ll understand why they’re on this list. The vertical stripes Emphasize (yes, that’s a capital E) every little imperfection on a person’s body. Avoid at all costs!
9) Lip liner and no lipstick aka Lips without stick– What? Where you in that much of a rush this morning that you forgot to fill in your lips? Please don’t tell me you did that on purpose.
10) Skirts that are short in the front and long in the back – aka the Mullet Skirt – These are popular now and I’m always embarrassed for the girls who are wearing them. It looks like one of two things. The first is that they can’t decide if they should wear a short or long skirt so they went with both. Indecisive people make me insane. The other reason they’re wearing them, may be that they’re trying to secretly send messages to their perspective future husbands, aka their boyfriends, on how good they’ll look in a wedding dress will a trail. So many faux-brides on the street these days, I feel like the ugly bridesmaid.